Thursday, January 06, 2005

A Special Letter From John Kerry

B i g J o h n K e r y

Dear Stupid Fucking American,

No American citizen should wake up the morning after the election and worry that they got some terrible disease from a candidate screwing them up the keester. No citizen should be denied at the polls, unless it is 2004 and the elite in the country have already picked bush. And, as the greatest, wealthiest and most corrupt nation on earth, our citizens should never be forced to vote for old, unaccountable and non transparent liars like myself, since I am controlled by partisan activists.

Tomorrow, members of the goose stepping new-speakers, we call Congress will meet to certify the results of the fraudulent 2004 presidential election. I will not be taking part in a formal protest of the Ohio Electors because I am a pathetic liar with no moral center or sense for what is right or wrong.

Despite irregularities, questionable practices by some election officials and instances of lawful voters being denied the right to vote, our legal teams on the ground have been hard at work shuffling papers and trying their damdist to look busy while actually doing nothing. My political stooges do not want to change the outcome of the election. God must have ordained that Satan...errrr...Mr. bush become the next president, so I am satisfied if God is satisfied.

But, that does not mean we should abandon our commitment to me and my family. I still need your support to give my pathetic life meaning. We can work hand in hand to addres s those problems that happened in Ohio (wink-nod) . We must act today to make sure they never happen again (wink-nod) .

I urge you to join me in using this occasion to highlight our demand that Congress commit itself this year (or maybe next year, or the year after at the latest) to reforming the electoral system. I was informed by a eighth-grade civics teacher that a Presidential election is a national federal election but we have different standards in different states for casting and counting votes. We need a national federal standard to solve the problems that occurred in the 2004 election. I will propose legislation to help achieve this by eliminating all names on the ballots except for the names of republican candidates. In the future we can all vote for the same candidate and feel confident our votes counted. Do you see the logic in this simple plan?

Florida 2000 was a wake up call but nobody did anything we just rolled over and went back to sleep . Will we now ignore what happened in 2004? Probably...why not?

There are nearly 3,000,000 of you receiving this email and 25 of you may actually read it. We accomplished so much together during the campaign and I know that this letter sounds like it was written by a political operative but my handlers told me that writing an email was the least I could do after I bail out and let so many people hanging in the breeze. So I did my duty- ok almost finished. Here are some numbers to call if you want to scream at some minimum wage operators.

Speaker Dennis Hastert: 1-202-225-0600 or 1-800-SUU-EEEE
Leader Bill Frist: 1-202-224-3135 or 1-800-FUK-YUUU

I want every vote counted because Americans have to know that the votes they stood in line for, fought for, and strived so hard to cast in an election, are counted. As our old friend Joe Stalin once said, "it doesn't matter who you vote for it matters who counts the votes!". Old joe was right on! We must make sure there are no questions or doubts in future elections so voting for a single candidate should take care of any arguments. Please join with me in calling Speaker "oink-oink" Hastert and Leader Frist and telling them that you want action on election reform now, or maybe tomorrow or next week at the latest.

A recent report from Representative John Conyers (D-Michigan) reveals very troubling questions that have not yet been answered by Ohio election officials. Although I will do absolutely nothing I commend anyone who runs into that brick wall.

Congress must look like they are doing something, anything. That's why I will soon introduce meaningless legislation to reform our election system.

Please remember to let us know that you made your call when you're done. We're hoping to ensure House and Senate swine hear your demands for action on election reform in meaningful way. Please take a moment and write us another check so we can continue to work for you.

Thank you,

Big John Kery , he sure aint no JFK!

P.S. Thanks to all those who participated in the 2004 elections. Better luck next time.

John Kery, Inc.
written by GHM, ameriKan United We Stand


At 1/07/2005 9:19 AM , Blogger ProgressivePatriot said...

Good Post Amy,
I signed up for the group and I will pass it on.

At 1/07/2005 10:58 PM , Blogger KyndCulture said...

Buahahahhahahahaha LMAO Amy... that was GREAT. I'm sorry I'm seeing this in hindsight, but not really, I spit beer all over my monitor... how true how true.


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