Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Right Wing Shills. LISTEN UP - How to Protect yourself from us Liberal Death Squad Bloggers

(Borrowed from Plaid Adder at DU for it's excellence)

Are you a right-wing shill? Do you worry that one day you're going to open your mail and find out that the Revolutionary Army of Liberal Death Bloggers has sent YOU the Black Spot? Learn how to protect yourself against these unprovoked and scurrilous partisan attacks by adopting the Plaid Adder's


1. Don't 'hide in plain sight.'

If you hide in plain sight, people are gonna find you. I'm just sayin'.

2. Avoid appearing on television.

Once images of you making an ass of yourself have been beamed into millions of homes across the nation, you've opened the door to a world of hurt. In our culture, people who make asses of themselves on television are considered 'celebrities,' and during the time which their 'celebrity' lasts, such people cannot even go to the bathroom without having some idiot post about it at www.15minutesofflush.com .

3. If you are gay yourself, try not to publish gay-baiting articles with your name on them.

Some gay people enjoy gay-baiting, especially if they're closeted hypocritical bastards who vainly believe that they will escape persecution as long as they give enough head to the men who do the persecuting. But most gay people feel differently about this, and take particular joy in exposing those people. Many of these people are also practiced in administering withering sarcastic remarks, and are highly skilled and efficient gossipmongers.

4. If you happen to be a professional prostitute, then launching a website to advertise your services is probably a sound business idea. However, in that case, triple-dog daring your inquisitive opponents to 'bring it on' is NOT a sound business idea.

5. Don't--and I can't stress this enough--don't post naked pictures of yourself all over the world wide web.

Sure, you're excited. Sure, you want the business. Sure, you really love the way that shot of you splayed artistically across the hood of a sand-covered Humvee captures the subtle shading of your firm, pert buttocks. Sure, you want your friends, lovers, clients, bosses, former teachers, mother, aunts and uncles, and minister to be able to appreciate the sculptural beauty of your taut, muscular form. But do you really want 90-year-old toothless crones in Albania discussing the size of your genitalia over their morning coffee? Next time, maybe you should just spring for a photo album.

6. To avoid being harassed by strangers, it's always a good idea to try not to give out identifying information, such as your height, weight, sexual proclivities, and penis size.

You got that wingers? It's really easy to keep us lynchmob bloggers off your sorry ass.


At 2/22/2005 8:05 AM , Blogger ProgressivePatriot said...

There are some awfully big words in this post. I hope the wingers can understand it.

At 2/22/2005 8:15 AM , Blogger KyndCulture said...

Very true... We might have to provide a glossary with comparative terms from Jeff Foxworthy's redneck dictionary or common words heard on Survivor.

At 2/22/2005 11:25 AM , Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

"Revolutionary Army of Liberal Death Bloggers" I want to belong, or mabe I can form the Free thinkers or Libertarian death bloggers and we can form an alliance.


At 2/22/2005 11:43 AM , Blogger brandong said...

My God! This is the kind of stuff that I write over on young libs! Needless to say I've had a blast with the Guckert/Gannon issue!

Don't worry about right wingers getting big words. They have trouble with the small ones too.

At 2/22/2005 12:03 PM , Blogger Michael Moore-on said...

I tride to reed it but the wordz was to big for my brane. U peepel are meen.

At 2/22/2005 12:48 PM , Blogger halcyon67 said...

I tride to reed it but the wordz was to big for my brane. U peepel are meen.
^^At least Moron here is not afraid to live up to his name and show us his true intellect.

At 2/22/2005 12:57 PM , Blogger Dr.K said...

You forgot to add, pay your state taxes, and once discovered don't pull everything off the web. It just encourages the bloggers.

At 2/22/2005 1:50 PM , Blogger KyndCulture said...

At least Moore-on is honest. I could arrange a special reading of "My Pet Guckert" for you if this went over your head...

At 2/24/2005 10:14 AM , Blogger Amy said...

Now, now, you guys.
At least Michael has a sense of humor, which is more than I can say for most freepers.
Excellent post!


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