Wednesday, September 22, 2004

A Day in the Life of Joe Republican

I received this little gem in an email from a police officer friend of mine. This explains it all so well that, I am sure there will be the typical denial by the pond-scum on the right.


Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water for his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging commie liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With his first swallow of coffee, Joe takes his daily medications His medications are safe to take because some evil lefty bomb-throwers fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of Joe's medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some fire-breathing lazy ass union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too. Never would he turn it

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In his morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting
on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is healthy because some environmentalist wacko troublemaking militant fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

Then Joe walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants limp-wristed freethinkng asshole fought for affordable
public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some fire-breathing Viet Cong-loving union members fought and died for these working

Joe's employer pays these high standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union in. So Joe benefits from what others have gained.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a workers compensation or unemployment check because some stupid pinko troublemakers didn't think Joe should lose his home because of a temporary misfortune.

At noontime Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal red wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the
banking system before the Great Depression. He can thank that Stalinist Franklin D. Roosevelt for that.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist pointy-headed liberal decided that Joe and the whole society would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. That's okay, but the bastards tricked him because he has to pay taxes. Bush will fix that, he tells himself.

Joe gets home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some
big-government New Deal Stalinist liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

Joe is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating Marxist made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that over the decades the beloved Republicans have fought to defeat every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.

Joe agrees with the talk-radio loudmouth: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man and a good Republican and I believe all Americans should take care of themselves, just like I


At 9/22/2004 6:31 AM , Blogger Michael Moore-on said...

Can I finish the story? Huh? Can I? Feel free to douche this one too…

Joe picks his paycheck up on Friday and frowns, you see after he reaped the “benefits” imposed upon him of paid medical insurance, his government-subsidized ride to work, his workers compensation and unemployment costs, the Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federaly subsidized student loan, not to mention his father’s house financed by Farmers' Home Administration and Social Security, he has $107 left over. Then Joe finds out his job is in jeopardy due to unrealistic union rules that result in wasted time and too much manpower, making it too difficult for his company to compete overseas. So he sends his wife to work, he too gets another job to make ends meet and pay the bills. His children are raised by a subsidized Daycare workers who could give a crap about his children’s family values and emotional well being. Joe realizes that all the government subsidized “programs” and union foolishness actually cost a lot of money, and that money has to come from somewhere; his paycheck and the price of goods and services. He understands that one program usually leads to two more and that once one is created, it never ever goes away. He sees the democrat plan to create a nation of people dependant upon the government is wrong, and asks himself the same question a famous democrat once asked of his countrymen, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country.”

At 9/22/2004 10:29 AM , Blogger ProgressivePatriot said...

Your response is a typical rant by a misinformed right-wingnut. Everything you get on your job today was brought about by with it.
Have you noticed your so-called tax cut that, the village idiot 'gave' you, is costing middle class workers about $50 per week??
Pull your head out of your ass, don't have to be stupid all your life!!

At 9/22/2004 12:03 PM , Blogger Michael Moore-on said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9/22/2004 1:10 PM , Blogger ProgressivePatriot said...

Too bad moron,
That feller is from your court...hint: he is conservative and a republican bottom feeder.

Are you hinting that you are ready to come out of the closet?? This would be the place to do have the right to be gay....and I'll defend that right. I believe people have the right to be whatever they want without government interference.
Too bad you right-wingnuts are so un-American.

At 9/22/2004 8:15 PM , Blogger Justin said...

Who is this guy? Do you know him? I mean... he's really annoying. "I know this will be douched." Of course it will! Because it was stupid!

At 9/22/2004 8:32 PM , Blogger ProgressivePatriot said...

No Justin,
I don't know him personally but, I know his kind.
The kind that is so blatantly brainwashed, has no energy or intellect to research the facts himself and only finds enough time to chide people who present the facts, facts I might add, that have been researched for hours or days.
It is the right-wing attitude...the sheeple of our society...the people who want to destroy our country. The ultra right-wingers who border on communist ideals without knowing how the political cycle works.
Remember Justin, anyone who refers to liberals as communists are ignorant of the political cycle, a cycle that has become the basis in political science.
We are left to deal with with them like you would a boil....they are a boil on the ass of humanity.

At 9/23/2004 6:28 AM , Blogger Michael Moore-on said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9/27/2004 12:27 AM , Blogger David Bonnette said...

A Day in THE LIFE OF JOE AMERICAN--An Answer to: "Joe Republican" and "Those D**n Liberals"
By: David Bonnette
Joe gets up at 5/a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because it comes from a well Joe's father dug by hand with no help from any liberal weenies. Joe wants to dig another well on some property he owns. But some idiot liberals made it a regulation to require a permit, environmental impact study, and a licensed well-driller. This would cost Joe about $20,000.00 to do what Joe's dad did with a $2.00 shovel and a strong back.

As Joe gets ready for work, he notices his calendar on the wall. Joe put a note on May 15th. Joe figures this is the date that he will finally get to keep some of his income. Joe has worked through January, February, March, April, and part of May just to pay all the taxes a bunch of twinkle-toed liberals and RINOs (Republicans In Name Only) have extorted from him to pay for a myriad if government freebie programs. Joe is getting really tired of supporting freeloaders who refuse to work. Unlike most people educated in the liberal public fool system, Joe can do math! Joe has figured out that the total amount of state and federal income taxes withheld by government is almost exactly equal to the dollar amount of liberal unconstitutional income-transfer programs. That is, if programs like: Welfare, Medicaid, Farm Subsidies, CRP, SSI, SSD, Section 8 Housing, Food Stamps, PELL grants, etc, were stopped, Joe would not pay ANY income taxes. The government could run all constitutionally allowable things, like National Defense, using constitutional taxes like, import duties and excise taxes. And if Joe could keep his own money, he could easily send his kids and grandkids through college without any liberal subsidies.

Joe AMERICAN prepares his morning breakfast of bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon and eggs are safe to eat because Joe raised the hog and the chickens on his own land. And Joe slaughtered the hog himself. Unfortunately some yuppy-liberal-tree-hugging-enviromentalist-commies, have recently built HUGE NEW ENERGY-SUCKING houses near Joe. These commie-liberal-tree-hugging-animal-worshipers have been complaining to the Township Trustees and County Commissioners, about Joe's hogs and chickens. Not only do they think it is "cruel" and "stinky" to raise animals in a pen, but when they saw Joe butchering a hog, they freaked. (It's OK to get your pork in plastic wrapped packages at the grocery store, but Gaia forbid you would do it yourself.) Although Joe's family has been raising farm animals on this land since the 1850's, some godless-liberal-pinkos have got themselves elected to local offices, and may well pass an ordinance against Joe's inalienable right to farm. These godless liberal tree-huggers have already passed an ordinance against the local Amish leaving "horse apples" in the road when riding in their buggies, something they have done in this area since the 1700's. These big-government idiot liberals have required the Amish to put "horse diapers" on their horses while in town, they don't want to hit horse apples with their BMW's.

As Joe AMERICAN gets ready for work, he telephones a local assisted living center, to let them know he plans to visit after work. Joe's 14-year-old daughter, Angela, has been in the center recovering from her abortion. You see in 1973, some godless liberal activist judges declared: any woman can have an abortion; for any reason; at anytime. Legislating from the bench, these godless liberals said that abortion does not require parental consent, or even parental knowledge. Angela went to see the school nurse about her secret pregnancy. While Joe thought she was studying the three R's, the school nurse took Angela to a Planned Parenthood clinic. There she got a "safe and legal" abortion. Angela came home on the school bus as usual. She said she wasn't feeling well and went to her room to lie down. Joe found his daughter at dinnertime, face down in her room. Joe called rescue, but not knowing about the abortion had no idea what was wrong. Finally, a friend of Angela's, who was checking up on her, told the hospital about the abortion. By this time, Angela was in a coma, caused by septic shock and a perforated uterus. Now, Angela just sits and rocks in her chair, she may learn to feed herself again someday.

As Joe AMERICAN arrives at work, he finds the gate to the machine shop locked, and a security guard trying to calm a group of his co-workers. It seems the kind of work Joe does, has all been out-sourced to Mexico and Communist China. During Clinton's communist regime, the flaming card-carrying liberals and the RINOs (Republicans In Name Only) in Congress passed NAFTA and GATT. And, like Ross Perot said, that giant sucking sound you heard was all our jobs going south of the border and overseas.

Well, things could be worse Joe reasons; unemployment is not the end of the world. Joe goes down to the Union office to cash in his pension and deferred comp. Joe never cared for their liberal policies and political endorsements, but at least the Union was good for something. But Joe finds the Union office cleaned out and locked up. It seems the godless thieving liberal Union mucky mucks got some advance warning, and absconded with all the pension funds.

Not to be defeated, Joe AMERICAN decides to start his own home-based business. Joe has his own little machine shop in his barn. That with 25 years experience, Joe figures he can make parts for some niche markets. Joe lands a couple of nice little contracts and is off to a good start. Joe soon adds a new lathe, a screw machine, and employs a couple of his formerly unemployed co-workers--just in time to save their homes from foreclosure. But the liberal big-government t**d-sucking Trustees and County Commissioners stop by to see Joe. They say Joe's land is not zoned for industry. They want to see Joe's permits and licenses. They want to know where his metal shavings go and, if he has filed all the proper tax forms. They say he has to shutdown his shop. As the liberal t**d-sucking commies talk, Joe begins to feel surrounded. Joe begins to feel allot like he did during a different encounter with commies in 1971 near Da Nang. Joe begins to get tunnel vision, and Joe's training kicks in. He can hear the CO shouting. He can hear the choppers coming in for a dust off. He can smell the Napalm. In the blink of an eye, Joe adds 3 more liberals to his body count. BETTER DEAD THAN RED Joe says. Now Joe is on a mission, and will soon rid his county of the Red Liberal Menace.

At 9/27/2004 1:03 AM , Blogger ProgressivePatriot said...

Hey Davie,
Great work of fiction!!! HEHEHE

At 9/28/2004 11:43 AM , Blogger Michael Moore-on said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9/28/2004 11:51 AM , Blogger ProgressivePatriot said...

Moron...get a clue....are all the people in Bath, Maine inbred??

At 9/28/2004 12:27 PM , Blogger Michael Moore-on said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.


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